


i'm a lost boy

by zombiepops



Category: N.Flying (Band)
Genre: Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26219215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiepops/pseuds/zombiepops
Summary: It’s not something he envisioned in his life when he fell in love, he could tell you that.  It takes the impending realization of separation to make Hun truly understand how closely attached they actually are to each other. How Hun would rather step on a million legos before leaving Jaehyun.It takes the impending separation to make Hun realize how much he really takes Jaehyun for granted. It sucks.Because, even though he's not leaving forever, he's going to be gone for a pretty long time and that in of itself is a sad thing to think about if he were in Jaehyun's shoes.
Relationships: Cha Hoon/Kim Jaehyun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	i'm a lost boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twahtohnedskee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twahtohnedskee/gifts).



> playlist: [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3VyuP4K7dlQHfhBmNIS1UP?si=fwIEiqeeRDyU5pGLvmykJg)

Dinner time comes and Hun hasn’t been able to get a hold of Jaehyun all day. 

He’s leaving for California first thing in the morning, with no real clue on when he’ll be back in Korea, and his boyfriend is giving him the silent treatment. Is he upset? A little bit. There's something about the fact that his boyfriend is not even sending a text that makes Hun feel a little sad, but then he realizes: this is hard on Jaehyun too.

Hun sighs. He'd have normally eaten by now, but hunger isn't important to him.

"He's probably upset," Hweseung says. “I’d be sad too, if the person I loved was going to leave abroad for two years.” Hweseung hands Hun a serving plate, but Hun passes it to his mother without even looking at the contents. He’s not particularly hungry right now. 

The thing is that Hun knows Jaehyun is upset. Jaehyun has been trying to hide it from him for the last few months, pretending to be happy and joyful when Hun is looking, but looking crestfallen when he thinks Hun isn’t. 

It's why he plans this event of sorts, to give one last hurrah to being together with his loved ones and spend quality time before boarding a plane for hours without being able to contact him. He'd invited Seunghyub, who left just a few moments before dinner started because of his shift at the guitar shop, and Hweseung, who’d been planning to stay the night long before Hun decides he’s going to traverse the world due to a promise to his father. But the only person he really hopes would show up right now isn’t even here. 

Hun doesn’t even want to do this stupid program. If it wasn’t for the fact that he made a promise to his parents he’d stay right in Korea with Jaehyun, but he had an obligation to his father and himself. It’s just difficult to go through with it when he’s facing the bigr picture of being two whole years without Jaehyun. 

It’s not something he envisioned in his life when he fell in love, he could tell you that. It takes the impending realization of separation to make Hun truly understand how closely attached they actually are to each other. How Hun would rather step on a million legos before leaving Jaehyun. 

It takes the impending separation to make Hun realize how much he really takes Jaehyun for granted. It sucks. 

Because, even though he's not leaving forever, he's going to be gone for a pretty long time and that in of itself is a sad thing to think about if he were in Jaehyun's shoes.

+

Dinner is over relatively quickly. 

Hun shuffles back to his room and channels his restless energy into research on California and America in general. The shops near his dorm, the restaurants, local parks--whatever he could research to calm his brain. His luggage sits packed and ready to go, carry-on half open to organize before he goes to bed. He’s organized his travel documents and prints his plane ticket information. 

There’s nothing else to do, because he  _ plans _ to spend every last hour until he has to go with Jaehyun.

His phone seems to light up with messages from everyone except for Jaehyun. Hun sighs. He gets ready for bed and ready for the realization that he isn’t going to see Jaehyun before he’s a couple thousand miles away from his homeland. 

Hweseung is staying the night in the spare room, so he fluffs up his pillows and gives him some soft blankets to sleep before he heads back to his room to sulk. His mom’s knocking pulls his attention from the computer screen though, when she excitedly says, “Jaehyun is here!” 

It doesn't process as quickly as it should and his brain makes attempts to parse out why Jaehyun sent no messages before showing up. He lives an hour away from Hun by  _ car _ , he can only imagine how much pain his feet are in since he had to  _ walk  _ all the way over. 

_ Fine,  _ he thinks,  _ I’ll go and check.  _

He closes his laptop and ruffles Hweseung’s hair on the way downstairs, ignoring Hweseung’s grunt of annoyance. He’s not going to kill Jaehyun, Hun affirms to himself. All he’s planning on doing is bitching him out until he’s sick of it. 

His mother is drinking her evening tea, calling, “Don’t run,” and then, “Yes, Jaehyun can stay the night!” 

Hun calls back, “Okay mom, thanks!” and comes to a halt in the entryway.

Hun doesn’t see Jaehyun.  _ This would be a sick joke to pull on me right now _ , he thinks, to give him hope of seeing Jaehyun. 

“He’s outside,” Hweseung says, toiletry bag in his hand. He rubs his eyes sleepily and heads towards the upstairs bathroom. “Please, don’t be so loud.” 

Hun wrenches the front door open and freezes when Jaehyun grabs his t-shirt and pulls him close. It slams shut while Jaehyun runs up to him, giving him a long hug. He places a kiss on Hun’s lips, quick and rough, and draws back moments after. Hun’s head is spinning. 

“I’m so sorry,” Jaehyun says. “I’m so so  _ so _ sorry. It was just...shocking. I still don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay,” Hun replies. He curls himself around Jaehyun and takes the time to process what was going on It was just like Hun thought originally--Jaehyun most likely stopped opening that app to silently read the messages in the notifications. “You don't need to say anything. Hell, you didn't even need to come over if you didn't want to, I know I sprung this up too fast on you-”

"I'm happy I came though," Jaehyun smiles. “Because I don't think I'm fast enough to chase down an airplane.”

“Bummer,” Hun laughs. He takes a deep breath.

“I thought about it, though,” Jaehyun replies and Hun can feel him smiling against his shoulder. “Wouldn’t that be a sight?”

It's late now, nearly ten at night, and Hun realizes that everything he wanted to do beforehand isn't plausible. He wanted to acclimate Jaehyun to his mother and his sister, to include him in the warmth of his family so he wasn't so lonely without him. 

He can’t really do any of it now, but he still wants to sneak Jaehyun up the stairs and hold him close. He wouldn’t, but he definitely wants to. It’s been a month and some change since Hun has moved off campus permanently, which means he and Jaehyun hadn’t spent time together in weeks. 

He soaks in everything about Jaehyun's presence--his head heavy on his shoulder, his warm breath fanning across his neck-- and feels the sensation of being loved and wanted. Cared for and treasured. 

He feels it in person for the last time. 

“Hweseung is still here, right?” Jaehyun asks, looking at him through his lashes. 

“He's asleep in the guest room,” Hun replies. “Why? Already sick of me?” 

“No, I just don't want to-”

“Walk home since you live an hour from here?”

“Bingo.”

They giggle together like a bunch of school children spilling secrets. 

“I love you, doll,” Hun says, placing a kiss on Jaehyun's forehead. 

Love was something that Hun equates heavily with Jaehyun for far longer than he's been able to accurately express. Hun has been wanting Jaehyun to hear it more, even if it was completely against his style to do so. The reality of the situation is grave, and Hun can't exactly picture what it is going to look like on the other side.

“I-I love you too, songbird,” Jaehyun replies and his voice cracks. He hides his head in Hun’s shoulder

“You okay, baby?” Hun whispers. He feels Jaehyun tremble and then cry silently. 

He doesn’t want this to be their last memory together. 

“Honestly? No,” Jaehyun replies, “You’re not even gone and I already miss you.” The statement feels like ice cold water being poured on his head. He places small kisses on Jaehyun's cheeks, eyes screwed shut to avoid looking at Jaehyun's saddened expression. "Hun," Jaehyun continues between shaky breaths of air. "Hun. Why do you have to go?"

Hun has never minded leaving before he met Jaehyun, but after? After is a totally different story. 

+

Hun's mother switches on the porch lights around midnight, when they go to talk about nothing in particular in the yard. She waves at them from the kitchen window, a goodnight before heading off to bed. Only the light on is the guest room’s, but that light gets turned off about thirty minutes after his mom goes upstairs. 

They're facing each other and, at some point in time, they're not saying much of anything. Jaehyun glances at the time on his phone and curses.

"Shit, Hun it's late. Is it okay if I stay?" Jaehyun asks, "Your family is almost entirely asleep and your flight is so early in the morning--" 

Hun cards his fingers tenderly through Jaehyun's long hair and pulls him close. "Mom said yes, and I already know I'm not going to be able to sleep a wink without you," Hun says matter of factly. "Might as well stay.”

Jaehyun leans his forehead on Hun’s and inhales. “This is the only time I wish you still had your shitty dorm room.” 

Hun glances up briefly, to make sure all the lights in the house were still dim before placing a kiss on Jaehyun's lips. The kiss is slow and deep, familiar and sanguine, and Hun doesn’t want it to end. It’s as far as they can go for now, but surely it's better than the alternative option: nothing. 

It’s enough to last on Hun’s lips until long after his plane hits the sky and he thinks of it even after. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](twitter.com/fnccafe)


End file.
